Just a quick heads-up, from 2007 onwards I'll be chucking up a mark outta 10 with any new game I chat about around here. The next generation is upon us after all, and I wanna make the site a little larger and more extravagant to mark the occasion. Maybe even more pro. Hence you'll start seeing more and more changes over the coming year, and this here's the first.
That said, if I can put on my fart-snorting pretension-hat for a sec, it's been my experience that almost every other gaming site out there has been content to dole out nothing but 7s to 10s for pretty much every single game. Ever. Not so here though...I'll be using the whole breadth of that scale to mass effect.
So if a game's flat-out perfect? Absolutely nothing vaguely wrong with it at all? It'll be a 10. But I can tell ya now, I don't think I've ever played such a beast. Likewise, if something's totally average? Not amazing, but not awful? It'll be a 5. Which in turn means anything over that is reasonably decent, and a 6/10 will actually be considered a pretty tight title around these parts.
Bear that in mind as we look to the future then. Don't expect a flurry of 9s and 10s - if any - and don't slit those wrists when your fave up 'n' comer nabs a measly 7. That's still a great score. More sites (and mags) could do well to remember this in my book...and if you yourself need help remembering it too, here's a quick run-down chart thang for future reference. You spazzo;
- Genuine perfection. Every facet of this game is 100% flawless. I don't think such a game existeth at this present moment, but I live on in the hope that today is the day such a marvel is flung from its mother's womb. I will then be ready to die.
- A rare accolade passed onto none but the very best releases, typically those we see maybe once a year. If we're lucky. A must-have, timeless classic - regardless of your tastes or persuasions - that no sane gamer should possibly pass up...and worth plumping balls squarely on keyboard for (Classic Dig Example:
World of Warcraft).
- Borderline classics and works of brilliance, just oh so shy of a top score due to the odd minor blemish. Pretty much essential purchases these aside however, and due many a lubed up reach-around (Classic Dig Example:
Gears of War).
- A good, if not spectacular title, that although tainted by one or two blatant flaws, still stands out from the crowd and is thus worthy of your money. What the hell else you gonna splash that cash on anyway? You have more than enough fuck-tapes hiding underneath your bed as it is (Classic Dig Example:
Call of Duty).
- A flawed, but above average offering, and one that if a fan of such genres, might be worth a butchers. If not though? Strictly rental time. Blockbuster needs your cash, after all (Classic Dig Example:
Fahrenheit).
- As average as they come. Not awful, but nothing to write home about, these suckers prove about as bland as The Matrix sequels (Classic Dig Example:
Prey).
- Below average. Problems with this game drop it below the curve, and as a result there's little to see here unless you're absolutely
die-hard into its series or genre. Or a glutton for arse-rape (Classic Dig Example:
Far Cry Instincts - Predator).
- Turds-ville time. Significant issues mar the entire experience, making it one pretty much all should avoid, unless after an interactive money stealing simulator (Classic Dig Example:
The Outfit).
- A downright disgrace. Cock 'n' balls, in game form (Classic Dig Example:
Bad Day in L.A.)
- A specific, rare and highly sought after breed of faeces, truly defining all that is wondrous in the universe. With fuck all redeeming features whatsoever, its mere existence makes Dig cry. Tears of blood. From his arsehole (Classic Dig Example:
TotemBall).
That is all.
This review/report was created by the great team at TPSreport.co.uk:
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